When did it become taboo to hope? When did it become abnormal to pray, to wish, to have faith, and desire for good things to happen? It makes me sad. Maybe it is just the fact that I am an optimist by nature, but I choose to believe more that it is my human nature that I just cannot ignore, that so many of us have been trained to ignore, and if we just look deep enough we can find it again. There are some things that I want so badly to happen right now, and even thought it's kind of a long shot, we need it so badly, and I want it so badly that I can't help but hope that it happens, be somewhat excited and anxious about it, and pray profusely about it. Lord I just pray that Your will shall be done, that we will have peace with what happens, and that we will feel that whatever You do, You're doing because that is what is best for our family. I also pray that you will help Leah, through this difficult time, and that you will allow her to carry a strong, healthy, beautiful baby and that she will have a happy, healthy, uneventful pregnancy!
So anyway, my life has basically become very stressful as of late, particularly just this evening as I'm sitting her knitting while everyone else in the house is sleeping. I started thinking about all the things that will be coming about in the next few months here and the possible outcomes for each, and then more and more started flooding in, and it just started to get overwhelming! Most of them i feel pretty optimistic about, but then I wonder if I shouldn't and if it's just me. I don't really want to mention what these things are, b/c I would just rather wait and see what happens (and no it has nothing to do with me reproducing! LOL!) before I post specifics. The things that get's me though and that makes me second guess myself is that even though I am excited and driven, and ready to move forward, and hoping for the best, Honey-bun remains cautiously, indifferent. He's not negative per se, just not positive, and whenever we talk I can here the apprehension in his voice, and can tell that he won't let himself get excited so easily.
So my question to you is this...is there a reason I shouldn't be hopeful? Is there a reason that we should be negative when we are unsure of the outcome of something? What does that help? Maybe you think his life experiences have taught hime more of failure than of victory, but I can tell you nothing is further from the truth, and that if that is true for anyone, it is me. I don't let that stop me though. If I let that stop me, or other things, or people stop me, I'd never get anywhere! So am I one of the few optimists left out there today? Or do you believe, that maybe, just maybe, hoping, praying, wishing, whatever you do, is still beneficial, and helps the outcome. I just can't help but believe that sometimes, despite our best efforts, if we are negative about how something will end up, it usually end's up that way, but if we maintain a positive attitude, and pray about it, there is a good chance the odd's will be swayed the other direction!
I love the saying "Do or Don't; there is no try." Believe it or not I saw that on a cheerleading t-shirt! I just love it though. To me it makes complete sense, and is a great motivator, and if we go into something with that attitude though, how can we say we are going to "do" with the attitude about us that we "won't."
So I guess more than anything, this is just a post to vent. To get my thoughts out there. To open up some prayers to the Lord, and to hopefully just feel better, calmer and more at peace with all aspects of my life right now. Thanks for listening, and for reading this super long post! God Bless! :D
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