Our big guy is gone...

*Copied from my blog post on a different site.*

My poor, sweet, big, loveable, adorable, beautiful, gentle, loving, sweet, puppy Quincy is gone! We are going to miss him soo much! He seemed like he had lost some weight over the last week or so, but it seemed really bad yesterday, and today. He wouldn't eat. He could barely stand, but he would drink a lot of water, and he would eat treats out of our hand. I had to help him walk into the kitchen from outside today, and he almost collasped. I miss hugging him. Jason got home, and I had already called the emergency vet clinic who told us to bring him right in. After a long wait, and lots of testing, they concluded that he had severe, advanced, progressive, heart failure. His atria were only fibrulating, and his left (main) ventricle was severely enlarged. He also had a lot of fluid in his chest and abdominal cavity. We were faced with the option to seek agressive treatment, which would have involved taking him to MSU, or a special Canine Cardiologist tonight, a couple thousand dollars, and about a 25% chance of survival...which would still leave him with less than a year or so to live...and in order to even live that long he might have had to be hospitalized, and he would have had to get rid of all that excess fluid before he could even get better. It was the hardest decision to make...I swore I would never eutanize, and that we would seek treatment...but it just didn't seem like the right thing to do. He probably would have been miserable, and he might not have even gotten better, and the vet told us it would definitely be an uphill battle the entire time, the rest of his life, if we chose to treat him. He would have had to be seen tonight to even stand a small chance. I think this was what was best for him. It would have been selfish for us to *make* him live a low quality life just so we could have him here. I still feel so guilty though. I feel like we failed him. I'm going to miss him so much! He was just starting to really comfortable around the kids, and he loved them so much. It was so hard coming home without him, and seeing his empty crate, and knowing we will never see him again! I pray that he is with the Father, whole and healthy again, and waiting for us to meet him there. I'm angry too...as if losing, basically, a family member wasn't enough...we had to pay a huge bill for taking him in...it's just a slap in the face...your dog's gone...and oh yeah, you owe us a buttload of money too. Really though, the staff at the Emergency Animal Hospital were very nice, proffessional, and sympathetic. I thank God for that. This is so hard on Jason too...I feel so bad that he has to go to work tomorrow. I am so tired, but I can't sleep b/c I can't stop thinking about him! I have so much more to get out, but I have stuff to do, and I'm just not up to it right now. Rest In Peace buddy, you were greatly loved, and will be greatly missed.

Reflecting...

I should be sleeping, 'stead of keeping, these late hours, I've been keeping...

Just had to get this out really quick. I m/c my first child at 13 weeks, and it was very difficult on my husband and especially me. I think about that child from time to time, but recently, a mama on a forum that I frequent wanted help finding a place where she could leave a memorial for her child, and I went searching for the board that I left my memorial on 3 short years ago. This brought back such a rush of emotion, and the tears just started flowing. I continued to read about numerous lost angels, at varying ages, and just couldn't stop weeping. They also have the sweetest picture of an angel baby statue being held by an angel, and I couldn't help but think that it was the most perfect, beautiful baby, and it looked just like what my lost angel would have looked like. We think it was a girl, based on just our instints, but since we will never know for sure, we decided to call the baby Pip. Anyways, before I start rambling too bad, this whole scenario was weighing very heavily on my heart...and I was brushing my teeth, then rolling my wool to aid in drying, and asking God to just take this pain off my heart...and I thought to myself that it just saddened me so much to think that I would never see this child again...then it was like a light bulb came on...and I just know it was God, and it said..."WAIT, I WILL see this child again someday...when I enter the Kingdom of Heaven!" I can't explain exactly why, but that just lifted such a huge burden off my shoulders, and a heaviness off of my heart. God will always carry us if we let him. I just really felt the presence of God in this situation, and wanted to share. NOw that I massively overly tired, and more subject to panic attacks, it is off to bed for me, b/c I have a very long day ahead of me tomorrow! Thanks for listening. --K--