It's amazing to me how one event in someone's life can influence them so greatly, and yet they do. I think we all have them. We all have our beliefs, and our goals, hopes and dreams, but I think at some point in our lives we all have an event or a moment that really solidifies them for us. For me, ironically enough, it was Kismet, a musical I was in, in my sophomore year of high school. I had wanted to sing from a very young age, but was often discouraged by friends and family, always to critical of myself to really sing my best in front of them. Kismet was the first thing I auditioned for that would require me to sing in front of an audience. I was horrified. Being on stage since the age of 3 as a dancer, I was always comfortable there, but as a singer it felt like new territory. I shook so much I could hardly hold my microphone, and you could hear the tremble in my voice. Well, as I usually do, I forged ahead, and this time instead of shrinking back into the shadows, I began to force myself to sing in public any chance I got. Anyways, the reason I mention this, is because, now, as an adult, I see that that musical didn't only shape me. There are so many of my former class mates that were in that production as well, that I see pursuing dreams in entertainment now, that really are truly talented as well, that I know were influenced the same way I was. So to my friends, and Mr. Parrish, I thank you, you helped me realize my dream, even if I haven't been able to accomplish it yet, and I know that even if I never do, we'll always have Kismet.

I want to change the world

I really do, and I really believe I can. I don't mean in some mind boggling way, but more that, there was some subtle change that when people think about it, they attribute it to me. I recently read a book where the author called herself "big idea girl" and I can't tell you how much that describes me. I have so many grand ideas, plans and goals, and I have always believed that the only person in my way is myself. The only person I need to get there is myself, but now I'm not so sure that that's true, but I'm really hoping it is. I realize that I'm rambling as I often do, but I was watching a movie and a quote got my wheel's turning, and I just had to write. "As long as people can change we can change the world." What a powerful statement. As long as we can be persuasive, and endearing, factual, and compassionate, maybe, just maybe we can change this life for the better, in so many aspects. It's a nice thought isn't it...but then I go to the last part of the quote "what if people can't change." That's the real question "can we, or can't we?" I hate it, but it's who I am to the core, and I can't help but be hopelessly optimist and say yes. Even though so many life experiences have taught me otherwise; if people can change for the worse, can't there also be those who change for the better? *sigh* Now the real challenge...to prove it.

Too Far Gone?

I remember happiness, like I remember that I went to the mountains as a child. I know I went, and that it was lovely, but I can't really re-call the exact way that I felt, or the exact experience, and I don't know if I will ever feel it again. I remember when things were perfect, and we didn't have a care in the world...but really, even then things didn't seem perfect to us, but now, I'd give anything to have that back. I know that all I have now, is all I deserve...and all I've ever really deserved which is why, no matter how hard I try, and no matter how many times I've risen above, in different situations, different areas, different aspects, of my life, I always get right back to this point. So all I can really do is accept it. I'm no longer going to strive for things I so obviously shouldn't have, instead I'm just going to be thankful for the little that I do have, pray to God that I don't lose it, and try to accept the realization that, aside from related to my children, happiness, amazement, wonderment, and love are something that is in my past, and will never be in my future. It sucks, i won't lie. But so very few things in life don't. Although this may be my destiny, if there even is such a thing, only God knows that for sure, anyways, if this is mine, all I can do, and will do with every ounce of my being is make sure that it is not my childrens. It's gone on for too long now. Too many generations of suffering. It ends here. My children are perfect, beautiful, amazing, people who only deserve happiness in everything they do...and while I know that's not possible, I intend to make sure they NEVER suffer in some of the ways that I have. There are just some lessons that no one should have to learn first hand. Thank you Lord for your continued blessings, please restore us, You are the ONLY one who can, all my faith rests in you. Please watch over my children and keep them safe and healthy. Give them all the good things they deserve in life, and reserve all the bad for me, so that they may not endure it. Please heal Kenny physically, Jason emotionally, myself emotionally, and anyone and everyone else that we know who needs healing in one way or another. You are the light, the truth, and our salvation, and all of our hopes rest in You. Please also let this baby be born happy and healthy, into a stress free environment. And please give me the strength just to make it through this life. All these favors we ask in Your glorious, and faithful name. Amen.

Nestle's Unethical Business Practices...Genocide by formula feeding?

Please understand that I have MUCH research to do on this issue, and that I am not judging you for formula feeding if you chose to do so...I was forced to do so with my oldest b/c I didn't know many of the methods available to increase milk production, and my work would not work with me to allow me to pump as often as i needed, so my supply dried up. When i was formula feeding, until we switched to the Wamart "Gentle" formula, we used Nestle Goodstart Gentleease...it was the only formula we could fee my son without him having a difficult time digesting it...I am now sickened to learn the type of company I was supporting, and more over, I feel very foolish that I was oblivious to their business practices until now. But, I know now, and as a breastfeeding advocate, I feel compelled to share. Here is a great article http://tinyurl.com/ycx7vtg , and if you google Nestle Boycott, and/or Nestle Ethics you will get lots of info too...just remember to use discernment and your best judgement when reading internet info...and please join me in the effort to increase breastfeeding awareness and comfort by displaying breastfeeding imagery to increase comfort with public breastfeeding. I'll be posting some pics here, and some on my facebook as well. Also, please join me in boycotting Nestle in the future, for it to make a difference, it needs to be on a large scale so it will affect there profit margin, so if we want to make a difference, we need to join together. Feel free to leave comments, and links to any good info if you have it!

Dear Makers of Carmex...

I love your product. I love the click-sticks in particular. However...is there any possible way you can make it taste less like mold...particularly when mixed/in contact with anything edible? It would make your product much more enjoyable to use. :D

Sincerely, a loyal user.

About this blog...

I thought I might take a minute to post what this blog is...and what this blog isn't...this blog IS a place for me to share my opinions on anything and everything I want, a place for me to share stories of encouragement, enlightenment, love, life, and everything in between. It's a place for me to blog about my family, and what's going on with us. It's a place for me to post my thoughts, and worries, and just get things off my chest. It's a place for me to advocate for things that I believe in. I hope that you will enjoy reading the random things that I feel compelled to write and will return often! However, I may not always use spell check, i don't really care if I use proper grammar or not, and because I have lost my brain to pregnancy, I may not always use the exact word I was wanting to use, or that may be best fit. What this blog is NOT, is a place to bash me, or my opinions. They are just opinions, and much like I am entitled to mine, so are you entitled to yours. It is not a place where I will pretend to be an authority on things that I have no reason to be an authority on, such as without having extensive schooling, or having done extensive research on the topic. I will not attempt to force my views or beliefs on anyone or anything, though I do hope that maybe I might open the eyes of some close minded individuals. I really feel that part of God's calling for my life is to break down walls and misconceptions about the Christian religion. Oh, and that's another thing...if you're not Christian, GREAT, please come and read anyways, I don't judge you, just as I hope you don't judge me. I happen to believe in God the Father...if you believe in Buddha, that's your business, and your right. I won't get offended if you tell me Happy Hanukkah, so please don't get offended if I tell you Merry Christmas, or God Bless. That's about it, please subscribe, or follow me, or whatever it is you do, so you don't miss a post, and Have a wonderful day!

12 weeks pregnant...or so I thought...

Yes I'm huge, yes I know how big I am already, no I'm not having twins, at least that I know of, so please drop it. Not only am I not a small girl to begin with, this is my fourth pregnancy, so I think it's to be expected that my uterus is a little stretched, or at least knows what to do as soon as it is pregnant! LOL! Anyways, here's a few pics that I thought I was taking at 12 weeks, but after going to my appt, was more like almost 13 weeks...more will be coming at 16 weeks, and every four weeks until the last month, then weekly until I deliver. :D Enjoy...or at least don't point out how huge I am...